How Do You Know You Are Ready To Be Seen?
For as long as I can remember, I was never the type of gal who sought out the spotlight. I didn't need to wear the loudest clothes at the party, be the talk of the town, or really do much but blend in with everyone else. I do remember being loud though, loud enough to change the energy of the room because I was likely too uncomfortable with whatever was happening.
Before I even get started I want to be clear this "Being Seen" notion isn't just the basic form of fear of being out in public, I mean the deeply seen sence. Being seen for your most authentic truth and rawest form. I've always felt like an open book who shamelessly shared from the bottom of her heart with those who felt safe to share with. I love nothing more in life then the notion of "I'll show you my ugly if you show me yours." I don't know what it is about my Being but people feel safe to open up to me and share some of their darkest experiences. Some of my best friends have shown the courage to open up and let me in. It is the best way I know to get to know people. From that place you get one of the most deepest and eternal relationships I have ever experienced.
What I am talking about is that being seen publicly, on Facebook, Instagram, social media platforms, large group events and in publications. I will own right now, grammar and writing are not my strengths. I write from a place of streams of consciousness. So if grammar and punctuation are your thing, my articles might be painful. I am unedited, take me as I am or leave it. But there is this huge fear that I fought with as soon as I decided I wanted to go out in the world and take on supporting others to a bigger scale as a Life Coach. Suddenly posting anything had my "perfectionist" paralyzed. Who wants to read what I have to say? Why would anyone value what I am writing? Who am I to be sharing anything with anyone else? Yet I watched every day as others posted about this or that without any hesitation it seemed.
What held me back from being able to post my thoughts on my blog every month, post on social media what I was up to in the world, and thinking that all of the journals I have been sitting on are even worth putting into a book? Have you ever felt that? Years and years I layed low and kept my head down, surviving what life had to throw at me. I love meeting people organically and sharing intimately but there was no need for everoyne else to see me. But then something clicked. A whole body, energetic, and spiritual shift swept over me.
I wasn't meant to roam this earth in human form just to support 10-20-30 people in my lifetime. I am meant to bring the love back to 100s of people even thousands! SO what am I waiting FOR!?
Along the way I have had so many friends, coaches, teammates, and complete strangers tell me how great I am. But this total disbelief and confusion could sweep over me. Imposter Syndrom? I can tell you how great, confident and sure of myself I am on many counts but when it came to professionally getting out there it held me back for a couple of years.
After I had completed about 3 years of intensive coaching, ACA step work and deep internal work...I finally came out on the other side a whole new person.
What I had uncovered was my most authentic self. That part of me that knew all along I wasn't broken, that I am enough, worthy and of value. I got this emodied sence that doesn't just disapear like those fleeting moments of joy that we so often chase after. It isn't that egotisical confidence that deters people from being in your presence. It's this understanding that IT. IS. TIME. The unapolgetic, nothing to lose, I am here to make an impact, whole and complete ME I always was before all of the stories, beliefs, judgements, fears, and traumas got in the way.
Those haven't gone any where, they just get packed away and categorized as one moments along the way that have added to journey. The more I experience, the more that I heal, the more I have the courage to look at the lighter I feel. The more support I receive the more that I can be.
How do you know you are ready to be seen? I paused and realized a whole body sensation I may not have experienced before. You take in the signs and synchronicities. There is a deep knowing that feels like the pick me up you always sought out in others. This creativity starts to bubble up and inspiration leaks out of your skin. You know when you look into books for enough motivation to inspire you into action. You are the book and these ideas come out if you listen in to your heart.
I interviewed an individual who mentioned there were three things you needed to do in order to be x,y,z. The content ecscapes me but what I do know is I was sure I did not need to hire yet another person to tell me what to do. The third one was action and it was clear I had spent the most of my time on the other two. I am, like never before, so present to my value, my worth, and all that I have to offer for those who are ready! The best part is. YOU can too!!
One of the greatest gifts I ever gave to myself was saying yes to being supported. I hired a coach, I join a coach, leadership, and personal development training program. A women's soul recovery program, a sisterhood, a 12 step support group, and to God. While the initially place I chose from may have been because I felt broken and incomplete, I continued to recreate my relationship to needing to do life alone and seperately. I let beautiful souls love me fiercly and stand for the greatness that I am. All so that I could get back on to my own two feet again after life had been so unkind to me. So that I could be here today writing this to myself and to share with you in hopes of encouraging you along your journey.
I see you my friend. You are doing a really great job! In case you have forgotten, you are enough. I am here for you.